One word that often comes to mind is ‘parigüayo’. Díaz states that the term came to use during the first US occupation of the Dominican Republic to describe US military personnel who would attend parties and just watch – they didn’t dance, they stood their and watched. The paragüayo is the “the kid who don’t dance, who ain’t got game, who lets people clown him” (Diaz, 2007, p. 21).
Urban Dictionary is much less kind towards the parigüayo where synonyms include chump, punk, loser, bull-shitter, and bad with the ladies.
The word, parigüayo, comes to mind when I am at a party or when I’m with a group of people in St. Lucia (and sometimes back home in Canada). I am often comfortable just watching and soaking in the sites, the sounds, the moves, the smells. I enjoy talking with people and immersing myself in cultures but I often also like to survey the situation before making my move. And sometimes the music is just too loud to talk and listen.
That’s as far as it goes though, I’m not going to accept the ‘loser’ parts of the definition. I am ‘good with the ladies’ in a platonic sense (I am married you know) and had pretty ‘good game’ when I was younger. I do like to think that I was always respectful though and consent was always important.
On Friday, we went to a cricket match, Saturday I spent a lot of time with my housemate and on Facetime with Janet and the kids back home. Today when the opportunity arose to meet some new people, I chose to stay back – I needed some alone time. I went to the beach, swam, sunned, read news, went to the grocery store and am now writing this blog post.
I am also what I consider to be an outgoing-introvert. I enjoy people and also need consistent alone time. Vincent and Ross (2001) stated that,
“Introverts focus on the inner world of ideas and impressions. Introverts find energy in the inner world of ideas, concepts, and abstractions. They can be sociable but need quiet to recharge their energies.”
I may have identified more with “18 Struggles Only Socially Outgoing Introverts Understand” and I was not outgoing at all when I was depressed. Now that I am healthy and confident, the outgoing part is back and I enjoy being with people – just not all the time.
According to Danielle Durand, “
In preparation for this article, I took a Psychology Today test and was told I am a “The Chameleon”:
Chameleons can adapt to almost any social situation, whether they’re among a throng of partygoers or in reflective solitude. Known to be fairly friendly and gregarious people, Chameleons aren’t hard to like or connect with; they’re good conversationalists, good listeners, and great company. Although they’re more than happy to join a boisterous get-together, they do enjoy some quiet time on their own as well. They’re approachable and relatively unreserved individuals whose presence is neither obtrusive nor inconspicuous.
The test showed that I was close to the middle on scales of disclosure, cognitive orientation, and self-disclosure. On ‘need for space’, I scored an 80 which isn’t surprising in the least – I need alone time, I need space.
While I can relate to the above terms and definitions, I don’t hold a lot too much stock in the above because I didn’t dig too much in the science. Still, I know who I am in ways that took 40-plus years to figure out.
All that said, while I am atheist and evidence-based, I still enjoy a horoscope now-and-then (just for fun). I have felt much affinity for what is often said about Sagittarius.
Actually, after reading, a couple descriptions, I no longer identify as much as I did decades ago. I do relate to the following (even with unscientific conclusions) though:
- From Sagittarius.com
- “very positive person and a great listener”
- “always in search for truth and knowledge”
- “They can go crazy trying to understand different cultures and tradition but enjoy how it keeps them on the toes.”
- From zodiac-signs-astrology.com
- “the philosopher and the explorer…in their ever eternal search for wisdom”
- “Freedom is…important”
- “‘live and let live’ policy”
- “has problems finishing some projects”